<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>No Contol by secretly_a_spacaecadet</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22519867">No Contol</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretly_a_spacaecadet/pseuds/secretly_a_spacaecadet'>secretly_a_spacaecadet</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Should I? (Multi-Fandom One-Shots) [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types, Gotham (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Altered Mental States, Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Based on Song Lyrics, Based on a Set It Off Song, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Canon Rewrite, Canon Universe, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Drug Use, During Canon, Edward Nygma Tries, Emotional Hurt, How Do I Tag, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inspired by Music, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Not A Fix-It, Oswald Cobblepot and Edward Nygma in Love, POV Edward Nygma, POV Oswald Cobblepot, Recreational Drug Use, Riddler - Freeform, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Song Lyrics, Song fic, Song: No Control by Set It Off, The Penguin - Freeform, The Riddler - Freeform, penguin - Freeform, post attempted murder, set it off lyrics, villians</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:56:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>962</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22519867</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretly_a_spacaecadet/pseuds/secretly_a_spacaecadet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>SONG FIC... Song is "No Control" by "Set It Off"<br/>--------<br/>Ship: Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot<br/>Fandom: Gotham<br/>Characters: Edward Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot, and Ivy Pepper<br/>Warnings: Mentions of bad mental health<br/>Word Count: 969<br/>Written: 2019</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Oswald Cobblepot &amp; Edward Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot &amp; Ivy Pepper, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Should I? (Multi-Fandom One-Shots) [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1563439</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>No Contol</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Oswald </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<em>....I swear this isn't what I wanted...</em>
</p><p><br/>
My words were suffocating me that night as I couldn't sleep. I know you would never hurt me unless something bad happened, and because I'm me, something bad happened. I know you love, I mean loved, me in some way but I don't know anymore. I was so close to having you, I should've just let it play out but I was dumb, selfish, and jealous... Love is a weakness right? I should've never even let myself love after what happened to my mother but I did and I paid the price of my stupidity. I wish one day you would know how sorry I am as I spend yet another day practically all alone and thinking of what could've been. </p><p><br/>
If I was honest revenge had crossed my mind several times, but I couldn't and I never could. I would've died for you, and I can't help but admit I most likely still would. I would never have done what I did if I had thought completely about your feelings, I thought that would be liberating you from your fears, and from yourself. It just didn't seem right to see you with her. I loved you and I still do, I would be lying if I said I didn't wish that I could stop. I know how this turns out in the end, we will never be able to be together and I know this now. I need to stop myself for falling for you all over again but I want you, it's always been you. </p><p><br/>
<strong>Edward </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<em>...God, this house is haunted...</em>
</p><p><br/>
And I wake up alone, again. The house seemingly empty ever since the day you left. I knew one day I would feel terrible for letting you walk out, for letting you leave me. But I can't control you and my hand was forced to let you go. My life was so ingrained into yours with the way you walked and the way you talked, especially the way you said my name like I actually mattered. I know now how wrong I was, if only you would come back home. Only then am I faced with the crippling reality... you didn't just leave, I killed you.</p><p><br/>
I moved from my spot on the couch, I had been sitting in your favorite spot. I reluctantly headed to the kitchen because I needed food and it would do me no good to let myself starve. I can't just give up because of something I can't change, that I can't take back. The moment plays back in my head, the gun, your crimson blood as you fell backwards. The moment you went under I realized, I didn't want that, I wanted you but I also knew it was too late, even if I wanted to I couldn't save you. I hadn't cleaned up in the weeks you've been gone, my best friend is now the drugs I take to be able to see you. I'm too far gone to save. This house is filled with you. </p><p><br/>
<strong>Edward </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<em>...The way that this could be, if things would remedy...</em>
</p><p>I stood up. He was right, there's no me without him and by killing him I killed a major part of myself. I wish I couldn't hear them, the ghosts of the memories of us. Why did I have to care so much? Why couldn't I have let go of the things that held me back? Why did I have to go off the deep end?  </p><p><br/>
"Oswald, I need to know you forgive me for I was wrong. I know this now. I know it's too late. I should've saved you." I let the tears follow down my face, tears I hadn't realized I was holding back. </p><p><br/>
I hear a ghost of a whisper, a bitter memory of what was and all i could never have again. This house was filled with ghosts, not only of him but of who I once was and who I could've been." </p><p><br/>
<strong>Oswald </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<em>...And after all this shit we've been through...</em>
</p><p>I was starting to get tired, my sleep pattern messed up due to pain, it was more emotional pain then physical. That day playing through my head. After all we went through, how could you have done that? I couldn't see you in any other way as someone I was exceptionally fond of. I was sitting in the midday sun, I was exhausted and I needed to go back inside so I could sleep. </p><p><br/>
"Ivy, I'm tired please take me in." I tried being nice to the girl because she doesn't respond to anger or words that are filled to the brim with venom. She immediately helped me back into the dilapidated house and to the bed. </p><p><br/>
Immediately I curled in on myself. You never should've saved me in the first place, only then would we not have ended up on this mess. </p><p>
  <strong>Edward</strong>
</p><p><br/>
<em>...I wish that we could switch shoes...</em>
</p><p><br/>
It should've been me, I hurt or kill everyone I love. Everything I do is for myself or to save my own skin. I stared at myself in the mirror, without thinking I slammed my fist into the glass, cutting my hand. I groaned in pain. Why did I do that? I need a way to fix this, to be able to be myself again. I need to be whole again. It should've been me.<br/>
I went to the couch and sat down, in your favorite spot so I could be closer for you... even if it's just for one more day. I will fix this, I will become myself again... I will build myself back up again, no matter the cost.</p><p><br/>
<em>...This life ain't fair for us all...</em><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>